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dusk

                     There is still beauty all around us!  

on taking care

A rainy Sunday with no "to do list" reminds me just how busy 

life has been.  I have made it through almost 7 months at my 

new job...taking only a handful of scattered sick/vacation hours in all those

months.  Dave & I continue to run our antique business...working 

two Saturdays each month at the mall we sell at.  Ian has 

moved from Milwaukee to Neenah in the past three months, and I 

have made the 6 hour round trip drive each month to help him set 

up his new place.  Add to that a farm that requires daily chores.

It is no wonder I am feeling a tad worn out.  I appreciate days like 

today when a kitty in my lap or a good movie or this rainy day makes

me slow down & take it easier.  

Do you ever feel like you are on this tread mill, working to meet 

expectation after expectation ~~ often expectations that we personally

have created for ourselves?

I am going to try to be better about this...re-adding time into my 

calendar for catching my breath, more time for things I enjoy.  Step one

was to cancel a work day at the antique mall in April for a day 

at a favorite first flea market.  Step two...adding this mantra,

"Be kind to myself"!  I will try to follow these words, how about you?

feed the kittens

A very wise friend of mine once sent me a card that had asked 

the following question of a 4 year old:

  How do you find happiness?

The little girl replied, "Feed the kittens.  Feed the kittens."

Today I am feeling just a bit sad, dismayed & maybe even dejected.

Thank goodness 13 cats live on this farm...I will be seeking me some happiness.

beyond my reach

Earlier this week, a doe was hit in front of our farm.

I heard the thud, Dave checked in with the truck...they 

were fine, the deer was not.  Remarkably, Dave noticed all of our
barn cats out in the front yard in the dusk...near to where the
doe died.  He said it felt quite odd, like perhaps they had heard her
last call & come out, checking on her too.

The next morning Dave moved the doe to the woods across from us.

That evening, just after dark, he heard a bleating sound coming from the 

corn field near our driveway, near where the doe was hit.

We are certain she left a fawn.  

We sought out a nature rescue in Colfax equipped to accept orphaned deer.

She advised us on how to contain the fawn, what to give it (Gatorade),

and to call her if we found it.  

Dave walked the area where he heard the sound the next morning.  Today, I 

walked the corn field and the meadow at its edge.  Walking, calling out softly, 

looking for any sign of trampled ground, of a scared fawn.  But there are acres 

of corn planted in tunneled rows.  There is dense growth at the edge & around.  

To find an animal, even the size of a fawn, is like seeking a needle in a haystack.

So we wait & listen.  We will wait & hope.  Nature cannot be controlled, 

it moves in its own way.  It breaks our heart when we are helpless.  Like that nest blown 

from the treetop, that rabbit in the tallons of a hawk, that mother combing the

fields for a speckled baby.  

brave little one

Two journeys came together this past year, with lessons not lost on myself.

My sweet August Rose was hit by a car in May...

she dragged herself to the safety of the old outhouse in our apple orchard

- a shattered pelvis, an open leg wound.  All we could do

according to the Vet., was keep her contained in a cat carrier

for almost two months and let her heal herself.  

She did, miraculously, she did.

In so doing, this dear little one showed me such courage.

She officially became a house cat in July.

That July, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  

I felt that my very being had been shattered, 

and I wanted to crawl away, into retreat.  

But each day I was greeted by this little one, 

this little girl kitten that never gave up.  

Her presence often guided me.  

Her recovery provided inspiration.  

If such a little one could do this without complaint, so could I.  

Two lives became intertwined.

We never know how courage will find us.  

Sometimes it arrives in unexpected ways.

and we do so with compassion in our heart

Any society, any nation, is judged on the basis of how it treats its weakest members
- the last, the least, the littlest.
Cardinal Roger Mahoney

words to live by...

We turn during times of tragedy to words of comfort, faith, support.....as an Early Childhood Educator, I often turn to words of one of my heros, Mr. Rogers:

"When I was a little boy, and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me "Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping."  To this day, especially in times of 'disaster', I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by knowing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in the world."

So we look to the helpers:

• Teachers who protected, who read to children while bullets rang out, who decided that their care, their words, would be wings over the children.  These are the wings of angels.
• The faith of a nation, rising with prayer for families grieving unbearable loss.  Reaching out to shattered innocence with compassion.
• A resonating "ENOUGH" rising through our country...calling for control of rights.  We all have a First right to safety....and the safety of our youngest, our weakest.  This trumps all other rights, just does. 

As a parent, in my wish for my son's life, being helpful was on the top.  We need helpers......more then anything else in this world, we need helpers.

upon their wings...

And he will give his angels charge of thee to guard you in all your ways...upon their wings they will lift you up...

Prayers for the children, families, teachers & community.
Our hearts are indeed broken. Such sadness...

sweet little moment

after a night of tossing & turning....not even attempting to solve the problems of my little world, I gave in. I awoke, filled my coffee cup, snuggled into my winter robe & sat at the kitchen table. I found my way to this quote, "some days it's not worth chewing through the restraints"....it first made me chuckle, then it made me cry. If you are a fighter like me you will understand.

So this morning I will just resolve to greet the dawn with faith that I don't have to be in the ring all the time. And yet I can't stop shaking my head that social media can erupt over the final call of a football game when there is so so so much bigger things to devote an early morning worry on.

Oh well, the sun rise calls me as do all the sweet moments that calm my weary heart here at my farm. Here I am untethered. Here I set the record straight on what is a priority & what is not. Here I claim a world not nuanced by restraint of spirit or social conscience.
Here I am the director of what matters.

from my vantage point

So wish I might capture the bird song, gentle breezes through porch windows, and the smell of happy rain fed gardens. As I sit here on our porch, this moment is a sweet moment. If I could, I would bottle this up.

Spent a good part of Saturday cleaning up from Thursday's storm. Lost a tree, many branches, and our deck furnishing to the winds that night. This storm had me shaking, nothing even on our weather radio to predict the punch we took. 7 trailers to the burn pile, chain saw noises, clean up we have become far too accustomed to.

Then twice when we attempted a "feet up" moment, we look out into the farmyard to see a black & white goat come trotting around the barn....not in his pasture. Twice I walked out and led Ralphie back in through the gate (thank goodness our menagerie trust us). Twice we checked the fence line..that is what the tree fell on Thursday night. We ended our Saturday mending the fence in the dark. The sound of a sledge hammer to stake, working around wire barbs, kittens & goats at our side.

From my vantage point, such is life, we take the perfect with the imperfect. We pick up after the storm, we safeguard our flock, and we breathe in the blessings given to us. We are given the tools we need, just have to wash them off, pick them up and walk out into the day or night with confidence. I have learned so much about myself at this farm, lessons that each day brings forth.

random thoughts

pardon my thoughts, pardon me, do...but I need to write this down & then toss it out to all who might hear. there are these moments when I just don't get it...just don't quite understand. there are these times when I wonder why with all my heart, when the questions run far deeper then the quest. usually it will be the seemingly small thoughtless acts that will set my blood to boiling and become my tipping point. these will be the moments that will cause me to place my teacher hands on my hips, straighten my back and when the words will flow with wild abandon. and so it is today...after a long week of head shaking....my tipping point was found with a black & white cat we have come to call Faith. at this moment he waits in a live trap in our milk house, most of his fur has been pulled from his little body, matted so with burs. he found his way to our barn, certain I am that someone drove him out to the country & just let him go. he has figured out how to fend for himself, but when his fear subsides for a brief moment, I can see how this is a house cat, abandoned. and that does become my straw this week...that someone gave up on him. last night as I sat on the cold barn floor, trying to calm him....I told him, we will do right by you. so this morning he will travel to our angel, Suzie, at the Trempealeau County Humane Society. they have a "no kill" policy and will soothe Faith's hurts and find him a home. as for me, I awoke with these random thoughts today and tears for a cat. that's all...

picture credit

be in the moment

I recently received my April-May copy of Mary Janes Farm...with the theme for many articles - "smitten". Today I took a moment to look through it, and found the following excerpt from an article, "Smitten by a Farm" by Victoria Strauser: "I saw my first fireflies at the farm, and thought it must be a magical place for something so beautiful to choose to live there." Be in the moment, I said to myself. Last night as I tucked in the goats for the night, I came out of the barn to bird song...back again. Be in the moment, I said to myself. This morning I found two little girl kittens asleep on the porch, wrapped in each other's little arms. Be in the moment, I said to myself. We all collect magical moments when we are smitten. Perhaps they are songs from the tree tops, fireflies in the meadow or a soft loving look...and we know for that one moment all is indeed right in our world.

picture credit

call me sentimental...

I am drawn to words, to details,

to intricate layers

and

equally magnificent wonder.

(this is the tree line behind our farm)

I put my Halloween decorations away last night, bringing out the turkeys that would roost in the house for the next month.  As I did so, I thought about things -- pondered them in my heart, retelling a story again in my mind and now here.  Although sometimes it seems like yesterday -- it was a fair number of years ago that I spent a last Halloween with my mother - a strong, independent woman who knew a thing or two about joy & hardship & celebration & resiliency (all the ying and yang of life).  She also knew about the power of simple magnificence -- and would mark the first snow fall and the first robin's return as important markers in life.  I sat with her on that October day -- window in the nursing home open with that year's unseasonably warm weather for a Halloween.  I sang songs to her -- from day camp, from holidays past, words that came to my mind ... about peace and farewells and silent nights.  Knowing that in each of those last moments time was fleeting -- but yet it stood still.  So, it was no surprise at all that as she passed on, I would turn to the window just inches behind me --- and see robins lined up on the window sill. 

Call me sentimental, call me spiritual...

sometimes

yes, sometimes

the moment truly takes your breath away.

"my whole world it begins & ends with you...."

(those are the words I think of lately

-- words by my favorite Zac Brown Band)

How lucky we are to have moments, people & places

that make us smile when we see them

and cry when we say our farewells.



Here we go - again...

I must must must start this post with the fact that

the Barn Sale is right around the corner....

October 8 & 9!

And, all the information you need to know about it

is in the following post -- or under "Barn Sales" to the right.

It is indeed a bright spot on our horizon,

and we look forward to meeting all that attend.

However, part of the here we go again has to do with

the call I got on Thursday afternoon at my office from Dave.

It began with "You had better sit down."

Seems the north winds that were reaching gusts of 40-60 mph on Thursday

took down our gigantic cottonwood tree along our driveway.

Our neighbor, Rodney, saw it literally "blow up" at the midpoint,

scattering enormous limbs everywhere.

County Road R was closed down for several hours as they dealt with debris

and a downed power line.

We will be cleaning up for some time...
those of you that attend the sale will be able to see first hand the
volume and magnitude of this tree--
it was the eagle tree, likely over 100 years old -
one of the tallest vantage points in the area.

Our immediate thanks goes to:
Neighbor Rodney for clearing our driveway before we got home.
Dale, our electrician, who worked from the call he received at 4:45 until 9:45
to restore our power (the tree tore the electrical box right off the house).
My Ian, for hopping in his car & driving home 2.5 hours to help in the aftermath.
Ian's friend, Brad, for working after dark to begin to clear the area around the house.
And the crew from the electrical company who came out against company orders at
9:30 p.m. to restring the power line from the road to the house saying that
 "no farm will be without power overnight."

Yes, here we go - again...

Please do not worry, if you attend the Barn Sale, we will not make you cut wood -
although you are welcome to take a souvenir branch home with you.
(insert tired smile here)

Sweet little ones...

Here is our spring litter...Summer, Spring & Winter

They are on the porch,

a little hospital triage set up to get them better.

See, part of farm life that I am still learning

is "mass doctoring" animals.

If one is sick, with shared food dishes, you treat them all.

Seems my hurt Marmalade brought home illness with his injury...

and we had to make a

mass exodus to the vet on Wednesday - 7 cats.

These little ones (as well as Marmalade) were running high fevers &

were dehydrated.

Fluids & antibiotics given...they seem to be rebounding.

Now my day starts & ends with antibiotics....

given to 7 cats.

We are not out of the woods yet -- will need to get thru ten days of this,

but each morning -- a greeting from kittens & goats...

is absolutely priceless.

Really doesn't take much to make me happy.

Sweet little ones, they climb into my heart & fill it.

I send prayers up for their well being & care...

and celebrate their sweet little ways.

August 14 Update:

Touch & go...

but it is now looking like go for all my sweet ones. 

Still have the newest babies sequestered on the porch.

Hope to let them out soon.

Momma Hope chooses her family over her freedom every day.

I let her off the porch, she comes back in to be with them.

I learn so much from these little ones.

Never ever question investing in love.

A happy ending to this story...August 17:

This morning we carried all the babies back to the barn -

they were home.

Whisper & Chestnut & Momma Hope followed us -

a celebratory parade.

Marmalade met us at the door and kissed each one.

Even the goats came in to greet them.

They all made it...the little ones almost doubling in weight in

the 7 days on the porch-hospital.

As I walked back to the house, Hope and the babies were running with

such joy to the corn crib to play.

For this moment, for this morning -

all is right at Meadowview Farm. 

totally complicated

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying

to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I gather sweet & charming -- it is what I do. At flea markets, in people's garages, in overgrown farmyards, in dark crannies -- I am searching for sweetness & charm -- collecting, bringing home to display or sell at the antique mall or at my biannual Barn Sales. I covet these things - I do. And, I live on this farm -- where sunflowers grow out of weed beds, kittens sleep with goats, and a day may just begin with the song of a wren at your window. If I look beyond the daily work, the worn edges -- it is often quite magical, certainly very sweet.

But, by day - I work for a Community Action Agency - an agency that works to alleviate poverty -- not so sweet, not so charming -- and totally complicated. Home is sanctuary for me -- where I run to to get away from injustice, small thinking, and sometimes overwhelming work. When I can't fix the world, I certainly know I can weed the garden. When I can't understand the turning of a back, I can hold a kitten. When I wake at 2 a.m. wondering why & how, I can look at my little guys all around me -- little friends on shelves & table tops that reach out and say, "be still my heart".


One night I was driving along a single lane & busy stretch of highway --- cars streaming fast in both directions....dark, dark night. Two eyes were caught in my headlights -- those of a raccoon -- running down the center line -- caught between two lanes of cars traveling fast. Running, running -- right on the line, right down the middle of the road. There wasn't anything I could do, but try not to hit the poor fellow. I wanted to stop, but didn't know quite how. I wanted to help, but didn't know quite how. That image haunts me. In my sweet Kari world, that raccoon eventually found a way off the center line -- moved left or right and ran for his life off the road, safe in the woods - curled up in a tree for the rest of the night. In the real world, I am guessing the story didn't really end that way. Totally complicated -- it all is, it all is.

So -- to stay true to oneself -- we mix up all this stuff -- the good, the bad, the sweet, the ugly....stir and stir and stir and stir. Sometimes we run down the middle of the road, sometimes we grow in the middle of the weeds, sometimes we curl up in a tree and pray that sanctuary will remain until morning.....and sometimes we collect little friends, little things so sweet & charming to remind us that all can be simple & pure & nice. Totally complicated. It is.

That's what I think today.

Just as free, free as we'll ever be...

It poured -- skies just opened, and it poured.

Still, we grabbed our folding chairs, rain gear...

Ian drove up from Madison,

and we arrived at CountryJam just as they took the stage.

Early -- things were moved around, acts were cancelled or changed.

And then the blue skies returned and for three hours they sang to us...
three hours!

People danced, sang back and were happy.

And, to hear thousands sing the chorus..."free as we'll ever be" with the

Zac Brown Band

magic, pure magic...

Every now & again you capture that moment,

tuck it way way back knowing it is special & will

be cherished.

Standing there, last night with Dave & Ian and thousands

of other folks that had arrived in Eau Claire-

Didn't matter our ethnicity, socioeconomic status, political views...

under that one sky, with mud on our feet

we were all happy -- just happy.

And we sang...

This is how it rolls in the country -- in Eau Claire, Wisconsin
 on a wet, stormy Saturday night.

bunny

I'm no spring chicken.

Yet, sometimes the thoughts in my head

just don't quite match the face in the mirror.

See -- in many ways, we are always that child...

looking for acceptance,

seeking a hand to hold in the storm,

hunting for eggs under the couch.

So - with Easter approaching I fall into those memories.

The scratchy hats & prickly new dresses.

Standing with my sisters in front of the picture window for a photo

(I'm the one in tears).

Not being able to keep that darn egg on that wire holder

 as I dipped it in egg dye...

and those cardboard punch out egg decorations on the dye box-

don't even get me going on those.

And the baskets overflow in the popcorn bowl.

And...bunny.

How many times did my mom stitch & restitch bunny?

All of these memories are my sanctuary,

thoughts of family & faith & love.

So -- no matter what you might celebrate at this time of year --

a holiday of renewal & rebirth & eggs opening & buds unfolding

and mending...

is gladly welcomed.

Happy Spring dear friends.

Happy Easter my dear dear bunny.

Love to you my sisters.

Kari

Calm...at last

The winds didn't ease until this winter surpise returned last night.

It now feels peaceful -- not undone as it has
since the tornado last Sunday.

Friday we worked. 
My son, Ian, arrived, neighbor Rodney arrived,
 chainsaw sounds across the farm.

Before the backyard tree was totally down,
 I touched the bark of this beautiful 60+ year old tree
& thanked her for her shade
 & for taking the brunt of the winds to spare the rest of the farm.

From my last picture a post below, to this...

We still have several trees to remove in the orchard,

but we are getting there.

Repair around the farm will be the next step.

So far, we have filled this dumpster from Rodney twice with debris.

And let me share - Ian made the jump up

 into the dumpster with ease.

Pulling around branches,

stomping them down to make more room.

After he left to make his 2.5 hour trip back to his place,

 Dave & I both tried to just get up into the dumpster

...not a pretty sight.

At one point, I climbed a tree stump like a ladder,

Dave got to pushing me upward,

I got to laughing.

Laughter is good.  Faith is good.  Resilience is good.

Finally, all is calm at Meadowview Farm.