losing my patience

I have tucked little nods to spring

here & there....through my home.

But just when it feels like it is here,

Mother Nature changes her mind.

So I pass Tundra Swans, stopping on their 

migration north to rest in a field...and robins

back & weary from flight.  And I want to 

say to them, "be patient", but I can't.

This never ending winter is just getting old.

Tonight we get snow, again.  Not as much as

our neighbors to the north & west, but enough

to make driving a head ache and make me want 

to just throw my hands in the air.

My spirit feels tired, my patience is worn thin.

"Be brave", she said to herself.

At the end of the day, I stopped by the antique mall where I sell at.....I was in the area for my day job & needed a moment of no drama, stress free. I was going to add a few things to my booth & fluff it a bit. The mall was preparing to close & the owner had just arrived to do a bit of work himself. We both stand on opposite ends of the political & even social landscape but have learned to get along just fine. But today he was loaded for bear....and there I stood, a liberal. He unleashed on me such vitriol. At first I just stood my ground, attempting a rational debate, perhaps even a heated conversation. But he was loaded for bear and assumed I wanted to take away his rifle.

Now, if you know me, really know me....you will know I do stand to the left of center and have very strong opinion on many things. However, I often temper my thoughts, carefully groom what I will say to not offend anyone. I do it every day in my work life, leaving my beliefs generally at the office door....only bringing them forward if coerced to do so.

But today, the gloves came off and I said to myself, "be brave". And the words flowed like a river. And I felt better because I was me, and I stood up for what I believe in. See I am an educator of 33 years, a parent of 25 years...and a strong, independent woman. Yes I love my farm! Yes I love my animals! Yes I love to decorate my home with pieces of the past! And Yes I have an opinion! I am all these things. And, no one, no one can believe that their voice is louder then mine.

When I arrived home tonight, I cried & cried. I have such fear for the bravery of our President. If vitriol is addressed at me, what must he carry on his shoulders. And when I lifted my head I saw two sights.....a bench and a roll of barbed wire. We all have a choice: to sit down and talk through the big issues facing us or to pull out the barbed wire and prepare just to fight. I for one am ready for either......I will be brave.

sweet little moment

after a night of tossing & turning....not even attempting to solve the problems of my little world, I gave in. I awoke, filled my coffee cup, snuggled into my winter robe & sat at the kitchen table. I found my way to this quote, "some days it's not worth chewing through the restraints"....it first made me chuckle, then it made me cry. If you are a fighter like me you will understand.

So this morning I will just resolve to greet the dawn with faith that I don't have to be in the ring all the time. And yet I can't stop shaking my head that social media can erupt over the final call of a football game when there is so so so much bigger things to devote an early morning worry on.

Oh well, the sun rise calls me as do all the sweet moments that calm my weary heart here at my farm. Here I am untethered. Here I set the record straight on what is a priority & what is not. Here I claim a world not nuanced by restraint of spirit or social conscience.
Here I am the director of what matters.

on becoming a crazy cat lady

11....Eleven! That is how many cats now live at the farm. Two are house cats and nine are barn cats ~~ although our one tom cat is a roamer and our first born girl cat likes to spend time on "her porch"...so guess she is officially a porch cat.

Now, in case anyone wonders...we are responsible, all are immunized and only our original mom cat remains unaltered. But eleven even has me wondering!

We did take the first big step and adopt out our spring boy kitten, Meadow, to our Ian. Meadow now lives in a bachelor pad in Madison!

But alas, I still wander the house & farm with furry friends at my feet. But, please...If there comes a day when I won't admit the size of my cat herd...or take to wearing a spandex cat suit or worse yet a snap up house robe with beaded cat earrings....tell me to get a grip.

seriously

Right now I should be laughing, heading down the highway with my friends at my side....perhaps with Rockford in our GPS, gathering the last of our scavenger hunt pictures to share over supper...I am certain I would already have the "why ever would they make this" item in my picture roll. We would have a Uhaul full of vintage finds & I would have one more overnight ahead in Madison (compliments of the Marriott Hotel, and far too many travel nights from a past job). I would be tired and happy!

But, what started as a grand adventure....turned into a bumpy round-about. See, the trip would begin with a day of antiquing on my own in Eastern Wisconsin. I had packed, made all my away lists and picked up the rental trailer....a wonderful offer from the rental outlet to upgrade the size at no extra cost-and though I did ask if my little Sportage could handle this larger size....in my mind I just thought more room, more stuff.

Up early Friday...my kind of vacation day ahead...antiques to find, a well planned itinerary ahead. All was fine in the first two hours of my trip, it was the last hour that found me bumping up & down, pulled over to check tires, figured it must have just been the road. Ventured on to the Fox River Antique Mall in Appleton.....bought a tall corner cupboard & table, was going to get some use from this trailer. Left from there to the Memories Mall in Little Chute....and the troubles with the trailer escalated to what felt like a roller coaster ride followed by a rope pulling contest between the car & the trailer....after far too long of this, I made a panicked call to Dave....Uhaul road assistance would be called, I needed to get off Highway 41 to await them. Dang it all, if I was going to wait, it would be at another Antique Mall just down the highway in Oshkosh.....I traveled through Friday traffic crawling....or shall I say bumping along, folks honked with support (waved their fingers too). I won't even attempt to paint a picture of me getting over a lane then off the highway and around a round about during traffic mixed with 70,000 eager fans heading up state to the first Packer scrimmage....WAS NOT pretty!

The day ended with me sitting in a semi repair shop at 7:00 p.m. while the trailer & car were looked at....picture a little red SUV & trailer and me surrounded by semi trailers and their drivers. Honestly, if I could have unhitched the trailer and left it behind...would have, but it was now holding a 7 foot corner cupboard.

The trailer doctors determined that there were multiple factors leading to the bouncy ride, but it would be safe to travel it slowly homeward....arriving home at 11:30 last night. Today the trailer was "decommissioned"....heading to the Uhaul retirement pastures.

What began as an excitingly full weekend - including a day with my "barn cat" friends....ended up as discouragingly disappointing. Seriously, the good times don't always roll & life happens. In the scheme of Perspective, was nothing....in the scheme of a weekend I had anticipated, was just too bad.

escape

Last night the new kittens (Luna, Meadow & Pearl) - now 3 months old-found the courage to run ALL the way up to me at the porch. In my "worry book" this marks a new chapter on inquisitiveness before readiness.

Then, as I walked (well ran) the babies back to the barn (yes-they will run with me....not a pretty sight, but it gets the job done) I spot something black & white in the meadow. Not a skunk as you might have been thinking (although I could smell skunk in the air just the other morning).....no, an escaped goat - yes, Ralphie. In bare feet I try to coax him out of all the wonderful yummies he has just gained access to. As I reach for him, I also find nettle...a terrible stinging on my hand. I coerce him back in the fence with the promise of a treat-a scoop of feed....which becomes a jumping activity as I attempt to now keep two excited goats (Charlie has also arrived) from trampling my un-shoed feet. Dave arrives home, I turn the goat fencing issue over to him with an "I'm done".

Woke early this a.m., down the stairs..."hmm, why is my McCoy facing the corner?". Cat had trapped a mouse in said corner, broom & gloves & "don't hurt it" later.....and mouse is back in the corn where it belongs. I suggest a far flung toss of the little guy.

Kittens running amuck, goat testing my patience, mouse flying through the air...
Escape is on my mind....just is.