Saturday, July 5, 2014

on letting go

I feel quite was just about a year ago that
I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I will never
forget the haste my primary doctor used in scheduling
a mammogram & ultrasound at Mayo for the day after my
physical.  When they asked me to step in for a second 
ultrasound that day, I figured it was not a good sign.  I sat 
alone in a waiting room with a woman with a rich Russian accent.
I will always remember her saying, "don't cry".  Couldn't 
promise that, wasn't sure why I had chosen to go it alone
that day......the independent rebel in me I guess.  
Lesson one, letting go may require some support.

So there it is, this journey called "life".  I do believe one lesson we 
all face as part of our test is to let go.  As someone who likes a tad 
bit of control, letting go is a hard lesson to learn.  But I've done it...
we all do it.  Call it faith, hope or simply coping, we do it.

Through letting go as our children leave home.  Through letting go as our parents 
pass on.  Through letting go as age visits us and easy endeavors are 
less easy.  We learn this lesson over & over until we figure it out.....kind of.

As a teacher, I knew the importance of celebrating arrival & departure with my
kiddos.  We always had some routine that marked the start & end of 
our time together.   We needed to honor each "hello" and each "good bye". 
I would help them learn about making choices, doing it by themselves and 
how to move on to the next adventure.  I travel these same lessons to 
my parenting...and relish when my Ian still calls home for advice on starting
or ending an adventure.  

I always figure it takes a full year after a significant loss to begin to let go.  It
feels like we have to carry it through every season, introduce the change to
each ritual, to each holiday, to each month.  Testing how the change effects
us, similar to putting our toes in the water.  Once we get through the year, it
still remains with us, but perhaps in a new way...a life affirming way.  It can 
actually make us wiser, stronger, and ready for what awaits us next.

Letting go.  Living on a farm has also tested my resilience & calm fortitude.  When
you watch a storm build across the fields & head in your direction, you can only
"batten down so many hatches".  At some point you have to let go.  To know 
that this is bigger than you, out of your control and that you will get through it.

So, what are the lessons I feel have gotten me here, a year later....changed, but perhaps 
a bit stronger:

1.  Storms happen. 
2.  The only way through loss is  t h r o u g h  it.
3.  Letting go does not mean giving up control, just changing our perspective.
4.  Kindness matters.
5.  We make it.  We all will & do.  And it will change us.
6.  Finally, celebrate the journey, through each arrival & each departure.


Barb said...

Thank you.....I needed to hear this today. I keep sensing that a major change is on the way but I don't know what it is. Like that storm building across the field, perhaps? Anyway, thank you for your words. I will hold them close to my heart IF this change happens.

Kari from Meadowview Farm said...

Oh Barb....if I gather one thing about you, you are strong! I know you will plant your feet firmly to the winds.

I watched the last part of the HBO miniseries on John Adams yesterday. I have watched the entire series in the past and would recommend it. The part that connected this year was his daughter's battle with breast cancer. Wow, a mastectomy while brave she was. How brave her family was. I think of our founding fathers & mothers -- setting their sails to winds of change.

Jani said...

It's this kind of writing and thinking that makes me love you Kari!

Robin at The Primitive Hutch said...

Thanks for making us think a bit.


Kari from Meadowview Farm said...

And as if on cue, a storm came rolling across the fields this afternoon, slamming the farm with 70 mph winds. I was home and was stunned. Four hours later I had the yard picked up, only one significant branch down. Shocked there wasn't more damage. Power is still out, thank goodness for a bit of battery power left on a few electronics!

Thanks for stopping by Robin!

And are a gem!

prims by olde lady morgan said...


I have struggled this year... so many things I need to let go of...BUT, I am so glad all is well with you!!! Sendign big hugs!!! OLM

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