to live unbruised

"Hey mom I'm thinking about getting a tattoo."

To which I replied, "You're 25...you certainly can do what you want."

"I figure if I alter my body, I should talk to you & dad first"  

     *Cannot remember his exact words, but his reply did include "alter my body" in it.

My first thought, how did I ever get a good guy like my Ian.  My next thoughts were aloud in this amazing dialogue that followed.....first by phone, then walking to the lakefront from his new apartment in Milwaukee.  He was thinking about a tattoo along his forearm of the words "live unbruised" (from a favorite Mumford & Sons song).  We talked about that, I suggested that I actually thought it was better to live bruised...because then you at least lived (I also was thinking about all the bruises that currently resided on my arms & legs from goat pushes, kitten jumps, and just good hard work).  His reply was that to live unbruised was philosophical, that of course we would live through tough stuff, but the goal was to let it go, to not let it damage us.

I have pondered his words, and have thought about my new normal.  

So here is where I am at.  I will have a mastectomy on October 17...my hope is to be done with this breast cancer....but I am not certain what they will find in surgery.  I will have my very own tattoo over my heart that will live with me for my remaining years, but I will not let it damage me.....I will let it make me better, stronger, healthier.  My conclusion is that I have no choice but to live unbruised.  Doesn't mean that any of this is easy, it is not.  I am more tired then I thought possible, and tears come every now and again in my private moments.  Each day when I greet the sun until darkness arrives, I put on my brave face and go about my business....my goal, to show that cancer will not get the better of me.  And it will not.

And as I debated putting out such big thoughts just weeks before my big Barn Sale....felt I should.  I will count on those days the weekend before surgery & a lengthy recovery to bolster me.  So if you attend the sale, there will be no gloom & doom....it is forbidden.  I want laughter & smiles & good will to fill my heart until it bruises with the weight of it all.  

                                                                                                        A thanks for all the kind notes.

gatherings

our little crop of baby jacks...

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12...

Counting Blessings, yes, this year I gather blessings!

When I walk my farmyard, when I reflect on the past 6 Barn Sales, when I think of family & friends and their love and support, when I think of those of you that drive year after year to our little sale....or perhaps will join us new this year.......blessed is how I feel.

Counting blessings is what has provided me great strength over these past months of change, and what will take me through the rest of fall.

Perhaps then it was just natural that this will be the super secret password.

If you should attend the Meadowview Farm Barn Sale,

please take 10% off your purchases from 9-2 the first day of the sale with these words at check out: 

"Counting Blessings"

counting the days

With Barn Sale on my mind, I begin the countdown with earnest!  There is much ready & much to be done.  With crisper temps, it is fun to work in the hayloft....radio on, creative energy flowing - it is therapy for my very soul.  October 12 & 13 is now within reach!

With change in the air, I listen for the geese- their exit south will mark the "get ready, get set, open the blue door" ---- the door at the tippy top of the stairs, the stairs paved with vintage license plates, the stairs to the hayloft.  

For all the details about this year's Barn Sale.....head to the right column under "Chapters" or scroll down to the prior post laden with the then & thats & what & where.

       Super Secret Password to 10% savings the first morning of the sale coming soon!

and so it begins...

Autumn has begun to arrive...

Bringing up one basket full at a time - going the easy way this year.

With orange & brown & yellow, it begins to look like fall.

Will add a bit to my home each week.

I am vowing to let go of some of my personal holiday treasures to the Barn Sale.

But....it is very hard to do.  

I keep asking "do I need this?" as I unpack a sweetie....I keep answering "yes".

Oh smile!

brave girl

Let me introduce you to a club, a club that now holds a very special place in my heart....

The Brave Girls Club

When I have needed words of strength, there they were.

When I have needed words of support, given.

When I have needed words of encouragement, found.

As women, we are all members of this club.

At times that are difficult, our courage will get us through.

Brave girl, yes, I will carry that identity with pride.

Brave Girls Club

she calls

at the edge of the farm, she calls.

that distant voice, familiar - 

gliding, as if ripples on the water 

propels the name closer, closer.

it is my name, carried in the wind.

and to home I run.

(sometimes the words find us)